I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
