sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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