Are we in a gay sports bar?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize