She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
