The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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