DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
how drunk are you?
Several
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize