Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
