he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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