So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize