he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
