There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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