party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
there is puke in my bra ... again
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