Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize