is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
