it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
