The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
