was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
