sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You took a bar mat shot.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
