Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
