Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize