Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize