no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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