nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize