I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
