Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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