i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
