I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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