mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I need to sanitize my soul.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
