i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
