update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
