I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
