my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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