oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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