I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize