there was a trapeze. enough said
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
