that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We're too hungover to prance.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
