i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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