ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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