I feel like abortions should bother me more
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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