I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
How external is "for external use only"?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
