just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
