my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
