Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
