it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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