It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
