I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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