what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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