i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
