Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
