Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My nipple is on Facebook.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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