he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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