i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
