I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
