Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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