i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
