I am puke
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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