He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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