You really coming over, don't trick.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
try to milk me bitch
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
