I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
