my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
