Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
