i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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