If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
