Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
