Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize