im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
