I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
