i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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