if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
